The title is pretty poor, I admit. I won't be ranting on about something I saw. Rather, about how I've been feeling the past few days. I've been in a bad slum and I really don't know how else to get over it. Maybe this will help just writing out how I'm feeling?
I've been able to tell when I am PMS'ing since I got my IUD in; it has never been this bad before (before the IUD). Friday I had my two exams, and just came home in just a foul mood, I don't even have a reason for it (hence PMS). The exams themselves went just fine (which is more than I can say for the Therio one earlier in the week). Friday evening, I just felt awful- I didn't want to talk to anyone, I was on the verge of tears all night. It was probably exacerbated by the fact that I've never felt more alone than I had that night. More cut off from my friends (who, I've been noticing I think really just don't even want to hang out with me anymore.) I know we don't have much in common and probably wouldn't be friends if vet school wasn't involved, but it still hurts to be left alone in the dust at school. I then reminded myself of how far away I am from my family. How much I miss my mom, mainly. Being able to talk to her is never the same as having her here in person. Being 900 miles from home/all family takes a toll on you. Not even just family, but my two best friends I left behind back in VA (well, one is off at vet school elsewhere, but still no where close). Then I get reminded how alone I am without a significant other/girlfriend. This really just hits home, as most other people I know have some kind of support system while out here in school. And I have... nothing. I just keep feeling more and more alone the more I think about it.
I have barely been able to function as a normal human this weekend. I've gotten the bare minimum of studying in, and still more to come today. Yesterday, I thought I was feeling slightly better, but I guess not since today I am a wreck again. I've made myself distant from now both my roommates, shut in my room all day. I just can't handle talking to anyone right now in this state. I can't even talk to my mom about this right now.
All of this combines to just me thinking about how much I hate myself at the moment. How much of a worthless person I am right now. Sure, I've got vet school (which, sucks at the moment). I have a handful of friends... family that isn't anywhere nearby. And my dogs. My dogs are my reason for being here. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have them.
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