Time flies

It's been nearly three months since I started talking to/started seeing my now girlfriend. And wow, what an incredible three months it has been. It feels like we've been together for much longer than that, the way we just click and understand each other so well. As this relationship progresses, more and more I am realizing that this is what I've been missing from my life. She utterly completes me in every way, shape, and form.
She managed to put up with me throughout my 6 weeks of Equine clinics, which was a feat in itself. Bringing me food when needed, coming over at the drop of a hat to my place with her dog in tow, spending the night so we could maximize time together, making me sit down and study/telling me I need to get some sleep even though we'd both rather be up late talking/chatting to one another. She's just SO good to me, it's ridiculous.
We were apart two weeks, which was pretty difficult; all I wanted to be was back in her arms. I just got back from my trip out to see her for her graduation from undergrad. It was a mind-blowing 5 day trip of just her, all to myself. Just... wow. I don't think I've ever spent that length of time with someone (literally the entire 5 days) without getting tired of the other person. But, not with her. We just craved one another and definitely utilized the small amount of time we had. Now we have another two weeks apart from one another, and it isn't any easier.
You know, sometimes I am still questioning to myself 'Am I good enough for her?' I'd seen her profile a few times on Okcupid, but never messaged her before. She just somehow seemed... out of my league, you know? And sometimes those feelings crop back up again. Maybe because things just seem *too* perfect right now. 
Alas, this is as happy as I've ever been; we spent a little bit of time talking about our future on the drive to the airport a few days ago. Since she is going to be gone for 6 months next year, this talk needs to come a little sooner than I would ideally like in a relationship, but it needs to happen. I need to know that she realizes what she is in for dating a veterinarian (the debt). And make sure we are on the same page with other things in general about life. We definitely seem to be and she made it sound like she'd follow me wherever I needed to go for a job post graduation.
I'm just very much looking forward to starting to build my life with this wonderful woman I've met. The term soulmate is becoming more and more relevant to her. I just am excited to finish school and finally start our life together and all that comes after. For now, we will take what life is going to throw at us (my vet school schedule of being at school and traveling and her leaving to hike the AT for 6 months). We'll get through it. It won't be easy, but we will. I'd wait for her through anything.

No words

I'm going to do kind of a sappy post because reasons. Sure, I could talk about how my family was out here for my White Coat Ceremony, and how it was good to see them and all... it was good, really! But that isn't what I want to dwell on. Yes, clinics have started and I'm getting less sleep than ever before, but actually not hating my life *quite* yet.
I did want to write out my feelings about this wonderfully amazing woman I've been able to share my life with for about the past month. My title of 'No words' seems to adequately describe what happens when I am with her, and I usually lose out to random babble. It's hard to form a coherent sentence when she's around (what we like to call the brain goes to mush... or polioencephalomalacia?) As much as I wanted to take things a little slow with this new relationship, it has been incredibly hard to do so (it hasn't just been my wanting to move forward with things, though I have prompted them).
I do not have a lot of previous 'dating' history, and I've had quite a few single dates that have ended up as nothing. I know what I'm looking for in another woman. It's very difficult to write out what exactly that is, but this amazing woman I found seems to fit that.
She's intelligent (finishing up her bachelors in December... not that it matters if she goes to college or not, but intelligence is a sexy, sexy thing). Her knowledge on wines/alcohol astound me (this goes back to her job she currently has. Adventurous (VERY much so... she's done a lot of things with her life- was in the military for 6 years, hikes/camps, is even going to hike the entire Appalachian trail starting in the spring. Plays roller derby, or at least is getting back into it.. She wants to go out and do things). She's patient, boy is she patient. Anyone who can put up with my vet school schedule alone deserves a medal. She's so sweet about it, too. Trying to re-arrange her work schedule just for me, even though I tell her not to. I don't have a flexible schedule at all, so it is kind of up to her on that end (IF she wants to, not on my account). We get together as often as we can between both of our schedules. She is often spending the night at my house (at least twice a week, I'd say) and it is so kind of her to do that. I have a hard time leaving my boys for someone else to watch them. She has a dog of her own, but lives with her mom and can have her keep an eye on him when she's over here.
I've already mentioned how kind and sweet she is before, but I'll do it again. She's always keeping me in line with what I should be doing (studying, sleeping) but I make my own conscious choices to be awake later or skip studying for something just to be with her. I'd say that's certainly worth it.
Comfort- this is very important; I can hardly believe it has only been a month with this girl. We are so super comfortable with one another in terms of what we talk about and in terms of each others body.  Last, I have to mention how incredibly beautiful she is; I guess I never would've thought someone like her would've even looked twice at me. It's been a process for me to try to get over (and I'm still trying some days) to say 'yes, this is really a thing, we are actually a couple...' I just never thought I would be so lucky as to find someone who can make me feel things the say she does, who I get along with as though we've been friends for years.
I found out the other evening that she keeps a journal to write in about me (in purple writing, apparently) since it is my favorite color. It has kind of prompted me to write this. She told me only after I had said 'I love you' for the first time (again, one of those things in which may be considered moving fast, but it just felt right and I can't help what I feel). Maybe someday I'll get to read said journal (apparently). But I'm just happy for now to have found this amazing woman and be with her.
I made a tumblr post the other day about never understanding about soulmates, and now I think I might be getting an understanding of that... again very hard to put into words, but this is something incredibly special and I'm not planning on letting her go.

Happy :)

If you read my last post, a few weeks ago I was having a real shitty weekend. Things have gotten significantly better since then (and also not, but I'll explain).
Let me talk about the not first...
- Finals are next week, so I'm not excited for that AT ALL
- SO much shit to do right now
- Clinics have snuck up on me and I'm not ready
- Roomie drama with her boyfriend (totally not cool stuff, I hate it)

Now that that's out of the way, I would like to talk about the main reason why things are way better at the moment. I actually have met someone super amazing and she's starting to steal my heart. This is very different and oh so much better than my previous relationship... She's really something special. We are trying not to rush into things and go as slow as we are able... but I have a feeling like this is the person I'm meant to be with. She's just amazing, wonderful, beautiful, kind, sweet, adorable... all the things. We've had... 3 dates so far and all have been equally fantastic. I'll see her again tomorrow and we've both been counting down the days. She even decided to come to my White Coat ceremony and meet *pretty much* my entire family next weekend despite us not officially dating. That just says a lot right there (I tried my best not to sway her decision and told her to think about it on her own). I wouldn't have invited her if I didn't think this has the potential to develop into a relationship.
Anyway, I just wanted to share the good news... Oh and White Coat is next Sunday (whaaaa!?) Should be very interesting with my entire family plus my kinda-girlfriend (did I just say that? Yes)

Venting/ranting...

The title is pretty poor, I admit. I won't be ranting on about something I saw. Rather, about how I've been feeling the past few days. I've been in a bad slum and I really don't know how else to get over it. Maybe this will help just writing out how I'm feeling?
I've been able to tell when I am PMS'ing since I got my IUD in; it has never been this bad before (before the IUD). Friday I had my two exams, and just came home in just a foul mood, I don't even have a reason for it (hence PMS). The exams themselves went just fine (which is more than I can say for the Therio one earlier in the week). Friday evening, I just felt awful- I didn't want to talk to anyone, I was on the verge of tears all night. It was probably exacerbated by the fact that I've never felt more alone than I had that night. More cut off from my friends (who, I've been noticing I think really just don't even want to hang out with me anymore.) I know we don't have much in common and probably wouldn't be friends if vet school wasn't involved, but it still hurts to be left alone in the dust at school. I then reminded myself of how far away I am from my family. How much I miss my mom, mainly. Being able to talk to her is never the same as having her here in person. Being 900 miles from home/all family takes a toll on you. Not even just family, but my two best friends I left behind back in VA (well, one is off at vet school elsewhere, but still no where close). Then I get reminded how alone I am without a significant other/girlfriend. This really just hits home, as most other people I know have some kind of support system while out here in school. And I have... nothing. I just keep feeling more and more alone the more I think about it.
I have barely been able to function as a normal human this weekend. I've gotten the bare minimum of studying in, and still more to come today. Yesterday, I thought I was feeling slightly better, but I guess not since today I am a wreck again. I've made myself distant from now both my roommates, shut in my room all day. I just can't handle talking to anyone right now in this state. I can't even talk to my mom about this right now.
All of this combines to just me thinking about how much I hate myself at the moment. How much of a worthless person I am right now. Sure, I've got vet school (which, sucks at the moment). I have a handful of friends... family that isn't anywhere nearby. And my dogs. My dogs are my reason for being here. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have them.

Summer is ending

Sorry it has been a little while... but I can now say I've finished up that first block of third year at the end of June. Sometimes I wonder how I get through such a crazy block- it really was. Plus a lack of motivation. But, here I am and I surprisingly did really well!
Anyway, let's not think about school right now since I really don't want to think about having to start in 2 weeks...
This summer has been amazing. It's been 8 weeks of pretty much pure bliss and super business of running around! I played the hell out of my PS4 (the one game I own- Witcher 3 and it is amazing!), I had a great time at the Agility trial I entered Beamer in and he did FANTASTIC! I went to SDCC for my 3rd year running and again had such a fantastic time! I cannot express how much I enjoy it there and I'm in kind of a depressive state when I come back. Then I went straight into a 2 week externship at the vet clinic I used to work at. I thought I wouldn't get to do a ton, but I was quite wrong! I got to do 10+ spays and neuters on feral cats, which is amazing! Put drains and staples in, ultrasound/ECHO, observe more surgeries, urinalysis sediment (which doesn't sound thrilling but I need the practice), physical exam practice, listening to some wicked heart murmurs, etc. So, I am pretty pleased with it for 2 weeks. I got about 60 hours in for my Missouri license, too (which we need 320...ish hours for it).
After that ended, we packed up and went to Myrtle Beach for a week. Had a fun relaxing, drinking, and eating way too much. Then I flew out to Saint Louis for a conference (the AKC Canine Health Foundation conference). It was great! I met lots of other veterinary students, veterinarians, and breed enthusiasts from all the breed clubs. We listened to a ton of lectures from veterinary schools all over the country doing cutting edge research to better the breeds we love and find a way to make them healthier.
Now, I'm spending the last few days at home before I head to Virginia Beach for the weekend to see my sister and my best friend... so excited!
So, it has been a great summer. I don't want it to end, but I really do want to get on with my life and finish veterinary school so I can have an actual life again. 

The going just keeps going

I keep hoping this block is going to get slightly easier, but it just doesn't. Things keep getting piled up and put off until other more important things are done. It is frustrating. I think I've gotten less sleep with this block (and with the last block) out of every one we've had so far. It's super frustrating as I'm one who needs it. Part of it is my fault (finding new shows to watch) but I think the other part is some insomnia I've been having.
Anyway, so I did survive my first surgery last week, awesome! We did a great job as a team! I always wish to do more, but we have to share between the two of us, so you just do what you can. Next one is up tomorrow. For a one credit- pass/fail class, this is giving me a lot of grief and taking up a hell of a lot of time.
I got word today from the clinic I used to work for back home that they are trying to set some surgeries up for when I'll be doing my externship work there, exciting! I'm hoping to really get back in the clinic and keep my eye on the prize; vet school can kinda get you down when you forget what you are working towards.
I'm just really looking forward to summer. Nearly 4 weeks to go. Hoping it goes by quick as the first half has.

First surgery today

Well, I'm going to try to post more on here. But for today- I'm sitting in class counting down the time until my very first surgery this afternoon!!!

A long few months

It has been a bit since I've updated, sorry about that! This block feels like a whirlwind. Last time I posted was February I think. I guess I'll get the good/bad out of the way, first. Things were going great with my girlfriend up until Spring Break. My mom was visiting (which was so wonderful!) But then I just started not having the same feelings after she left for my girlfriend after that... it was odd, I'm not sure what happened (maybe it was because of all the time we spent together?) I waited it out a few weeks to see if I was just in some kind of funk, but nothing really changed. So, I decided to break things off on Sunday night. It wasn't pretty, she didn't see it coming, and I felt like a jerk. But, it was the right decision- I don't feel comfortable lying to myself about continuing a relationship without solid feelings for the other person. I certainly do still care about her, and we are going to remain friends (after some time apart, which I certainly need- just my method of coping). That was the first time I had ever had to do something like that... and I hate hurting people.
So, anyway, enough depressing talk (oh wait, I'm about to talk about vet school...). That is going alright. This block really really sucks. Like, a lot. Next week is finals and I cannot wait to see this block be done with. We just have so much time in class and not enough time to do everything, it feels like. My brain is overloaded with Toxicology every week from Dr. Evans, now. So, yeah the good news is we will be starting new classes soon! But that also means surgery class starts next block. Like, actual surgery... woah! Like a real doctor!!
Since Feburary, we've also gotten our clinical rotation schedule. I love my schedule! There were a few minor things I didn't like, but I got everything I wanted, and really really liked it! Couldn't have been happier. I'm still trying to get some preceptorships/electives set up, so those are in the works... but I have plenty of time to get them set up.
So, at this point in my life, I'm getting pumped about my Birthday (holy crap, it is on Monday and I'll be a quarter of a century old!), dog shows (Agility this weekend with Beamer, and Rally Obeidence next weekend with Beamer + Fenway), and just surviving through June 26th until the summer. Such is life at this point.

IP8 flying by

As I type this, I'm waiting for the Mid-season premiere of The Walking Dead to load on my laptop... so I figured I might as well type something up on here since it has been awhile. Plus, I'm avoiding facebook and tumblr like the plague in fear of spoilers (I still haven't forgiven AMC for spoiling the mid-season finale...)
Anyway, we are over half-way through IP8 at this point... crazy! Just 3 more weeks to go... which is kind of scary in a sense. We've got Radiology, Clinical Pathology, Lab Animal Medicine, and Pharmacology this block. I'll just do a quick synopsis of each class...
Radiology... sucks. We are all bitter about the first exam since it went pretty poorly. I feel like it had a lot to do with poor wording. Here's to hoping I can pass...
Clin Path is quite frankly awesome. I am loving the bloodwork interpretations and one of our professors is just fantastic (it got immensely better after he started teaching). We even go out to lunch and do clin path for an hour at a restaurant on Sundays. It's just great (the lab isn't so much, but meh... I'll take it). This class is getting me through the block.
Lab animal- basically our 'blow off' class for the block. Learning about all the exotics and pocket pets.
Pharmacology... is pharmacology. MUCH better than last block, and dare I say one of our easier classes this block.

So, that sums up my feelings for this block. We also planned out our electives for clinics! Or at least preferenced them. We should be getting our full clinical rotation schedule by spring break! Crazy to think we will be starting clinics in October.

Things with Amanda continue to go really well. We went 'facebook official' on January 3rd- the day I was back in Missouri and saw her again after break. And that went over pretty well, as far as I know! I'm pretty much out to everyone, and it is a great feeling. I even got a card in the mail from my grandmother on my dad's side (who I didn't even realize knew) saying she was excited for me and a check to take her out to dinner. So nice!! Of course I called and we had a nice chat.

The boys are doing well- Fenway goes in to be neutered on the 19th of this month. He is getting his rear dewclaws removed since they are so dangly and loose. He is also getting his hips and elbows x-rayed, too; I fear he has hip dysplasia so we will find out soon enough.

Oh! And my visit over New Year's to see my wifeys was amazing! It was so great to see them... I miss them tons and nothing can really make up for the distance. So any chance I get, I will definitely go and see 'em.

And I cannot remember if I posted about it before, but I am returning this summer to San Diego for Comic Con, yeah!! Already got my flight and tickets. Just need a hotel during the sale. Fingers crossed!